Precept on sexual misconduct

The third of the five precepts is the undertaking to abstain from sexual misconduct. In Pali it is kāmesu micchācārā veramaṇī, literally refraining from wrong conduct in sensual matters. For lay people it concerns sexual behaviour. For monks and nuns, who are celibate, the rule is stricter.

What the precept traditionally meant

The early discourses describe sexual misconduct mainly as having relations with someone who is under the protection of others or already committed. The examples given are people protected by their parents or family, people who are married or engaged, and people under a vow of celibacy. The common thread is betrayal of trust and harm to others, including the families and communities around them.

These examples reflect the society of ancient India. The principle beneath them is clearer and more lasting: sexual conduct should not cause harm, deceive or exploit.

How it is understood today

Modern teachers usually explain the precept in terms of harm, consent and honesty. Many describe it as:

• not using sexuality in a way that harms yourself or others
• not breaking commitments you or the other person have made
• not pressuring, deceiving or exploiting anyone
• not involving anyone who cannot truly consent, such as a child

Different traditions and teachers apply the precept to particular questions in different ways. The common ground is that sex is a powerful force, and the precept asks for care, respect and responsibility.

Why it matters

Sexual desire is one of the strongest forms of craving. When it is acted on carelessly, it can cause deep and lasting pain: broken trust, jealousy, fear and damaged families. Keeping this precept protects others and protects your own peace of mind. The discourses describe someone who keeps it as one in whom others can place their trust.

Keeping the precept

Keeping this precept is less about rules and more about honesty and kindness in relationships. You can reflect on whether your conduct respects the commitments of everyone involved. Notice how desire affects your judgement, and allow time before acting on it. The positive side of the precept is contentment, faithfulness and respect for others as whole people rather than objects of desire.